Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Five Years And Four Months Ago......

Five Years and Four Months is a long time.  That would put things around the month of December in the year 2005.

Looking back at December of 2005, I was still employed at SBC Internet though unknown to me at that time, I would leave about 5 months later for a job at a startup.  I was still officiating high school basketball at that time as well.

But looking back at that time there was going to be a significant change in life for me.  During December of that year, I had went to Las Vegas to hang out with a old school friend who had flown in from the East Coast on a work assignment.   That would also be the LAST time I would hang out with my friend.  It was a few weeks later when I lost my cool and put a chill on our long time friendship.

In looking back, the situation should not have been unexpected.  My friend and I had gotten into a disagreement a few years prior.  Though we had settled the issue, I had personally grown a bit disenchanted with my friend.   The distance between us was great and I put in a lot of effort into the friendship which I didn't think my friend reciprocated.

Five years and four months later, I can see clearly now that the break in this particular friendship needed to happen.  There are a few reasons for this.

One, I had become too dependent on my high school friend over the years.  I had made them my best friend.  I talked to this person about everything and asked for advice.  Alas, my friend didn't look at me this way.  I knew this but still treated them in a slightly one sided fashion.  While I had a few other friends, I had neglected developing them very well.

Two, I wasn't a very mature person and perhaps I was being selfish in expecting a lot from my old friend.  Plus, I was narrow minded and didn't consider other alternatives in the form of other communication methods or just talking to other friends.

In looking back at how this broken friendship benefitted me, I can see a few things:

One, I expanded my myself from ONE best friend to several groups of friends.  There's a few different groups of people I hang out with.  They may be groups of old friends, basketball buddies or just other folks I have met over time.  I have a couple of old friends I talk to the most on the phone.

Two, with experience comes wisdom and with wisdom comes maturity.  With maturity comes the realization that life isn't just about YOU!  I was a little selfish with my friend back in 2005.  I've realized that for a while now.  It just didn't occur to me how much!

In the old days, I would call my old friend every couple of days just to jabber about stuff and ask advice. These days, if I am lucky, I'll talk to my two old friends once a week.  In fact, one of my old friends and I haven't talked in about a MONTH recently due to work.  Yet, I've emailed and texted them to say hi.

This particular friend of mine is great about calling back and when they don't call back, it usually means they are pretty busy.  I've been mature enough to accept this and continue on with life until we touch base again.

I could go on all night but let me summarize.  Things in life do happen for a reason.  The broken friendship was NOT fun at all.   Yet as I look back at the friendships I built and some maturity I've gained in recent years, it was a required process that I had to go through.

Though I probably hurt my old friend and may need to make amends one day, the learning process was definitely something I needed to go through.

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